North vs South

North vs South

So which is better all round, the North or the South? The south of course and I'll tell you why. First here's a map I found showing what I define as the north and south of England:

 

Except Lincoln, Northerners can have Lincoln

As we can see here the North starts when "a" is pronounced how it is actually spelt; HAHAHAH what a LUDICROUS idea. 
Scotland, by the way, is just snow.

If you couldn't tell, I'm southern through and through and proud of it. The most north I had been in the UK before university open days was Cardiff, and even that gave me a nose bleed. 
In my view the North is just rural wasteland with local pubs everywhere; except for a few settlements dotted around such as the portal to hell that is Hull

Local pubs for local people

My family isn't English so pubs were never a big thing for me growing up, so the idea of local pubs scares the shit out of me. 
The kind of place where even before you walk through the door, everyone inside can tell you aren't local from your footsteps. Then when you do enter the music cuts off, conversation stops, there's a clatter from everyone dropping their glasses and they all stare at you until you leave... Yeah the North is well friendly.

Terrifying

Why the South is better

Simple GCSE geography and a little research tells you that the North is less developed and the quality of life is lower than in the kingdoms of the South. 71 of the 100 worst wards in England are in the North despite having less than half the total population.
The economy in the North went down hill the moment the mines and steel works shut down. The industries powered by Northern ogre brutes 
Northerners often complain that the South is expensive, which it is, but it's the price you pay for a better life.
The more developed an area is the more expensive the living costs are, unless you live in Luanda, capital of Angola where you pay £32 for a hamburger. Real talk. 
Anyway if you want a cheap life move to Cambodia; where they dye silk with rusty nails.

Gravy

It's tasty, goes well with roasts and has a warming savoury nature. But Northerners love it a bit too much putting it on everything. Every meal.
It might explain why the life expectancy up north is only a few years high than the Albanian average while the South enjoys a lovely long 83 years.
And why the average bmi (a perfectly flawless means of calculating health...) is a massive 1 point higher the Southern average, even though you have to hike 3 days to the nearest corner shop.  HAHAHAHAH!!!111!!!11!1!1! Take that! 

"A good morning cuppa"

I know that people from the South aren't as friendly as our Northern counterparts, it's true. We sit on the train staring blankly or have our heads down, and it is actually a bit shocking when somebody does try to speak to you.
But this is because there are so many people down south, whats the point in making awkward small talk when you don't need to. The chances of running into somebody you have seen before are slim to nil. 
We don't make an effort because seeing another human isn't an occasion worth mentioning over the dinner table like it is in the North.

"I met somebody today"
"haha, I'm sure you did you little rascal"

My friend from way up near Scotland, tells me that his nearest friend is 20 minutes drive away, and that's on country 60mph roads. WTF
Twenty minutes by car to see the closest friend. Which I assume must be the nearest person to him, given how friendly he says the North is.

"I think that's our neighbour"
"Come lets go home, you're hallucinating"

One more thing

You know what really grinds my gears; when Southerners are called posh for pronouncing "a" in words as "are", eg. grass, laugh etc.
That's not being posh, that's being correct.
The official pronunciation of the English language in the UK is "are".
Cretins



Another Northerner told me that Yorkshire would be placed 10th in the Olympics if they entered alone, which is cool, that's cool.


But it is the LONDON olympics.



ps. Northerners are actually very nice from who i've meet, DW, SA, AD, GA
s'all love